Just Say No To Invisible Space Lizards

So this guy spends his days redefining reality because of invisible space lizards that want to conquer our dimension, and we're the ones existing in a world of ignorance and fear?

Cookies Sheets And Psychic Attacks

How to deflect psychic attacks, by those that would psychically attack you, using tin foil, pans, and frizzy hair.

Tantra? I Hardly Knew Her!

You make sense out of this.

Introduction to Energy Healing

How much would you pay to have some one wave rocks over your body? Now consider that this film was made for, and possibly paid for, by the Center for Medicare and Medicaid Services.

The Esoteric Agenda

I would like to tell you a little story. It's a familiar one, and it lies at the heart of every conspiracy theorists ideology. You see, some scant few eons ago a little puddle monster crawled out of the primordial ooze, took his first breath, and decided that this air stuff was totally bitchin. He rushed back to tell all his puddle monster friends about this amazing discovery, and it's here that something peculiar happened.

Whilst the other puddle monsters where checking out all the weird sights and sounds five of them wandered off together. It was here that they spontaneously developed a complex formal language, the ability to think abstractly, and, along the conspiracy theorists line of thought, probably became Jewish. As they huddled together they began to draft a plan. For you see these crafty little puddle monsters knew that some billions of years later they would evolve into a more complex species with things like thumbs and pinball machines, and they wished from the bottom of their greedy little puddle monster hearts to control it all.

Now here I am untold spans of time later watching “The Esoteric Agenda” on YouTube. At first it seems like just another paranoid wet dream attempting to prove that all major events in history; including all religions, governments, capitalist enterprises, and Progressive Rock albums are a part of some vast conspiracy that's been operating since the beginning of time. A conspiracy so meticulously orchestrated and concealed that only bat shit crazy morons can see through it. But I was wrong.

Was I wrong in the sense that it proved once and for all that the world's history has been interwoven with the machinations of pagan cults? No. The thing is that these documentaries usually manage to make at least one or two points rooted in some vague approximation to reality, but “The Esoteric Agenda” makes statements that are so obviously absurd that you could you sniff them out if you were in another room... and def. So, for you the reader I will go over some of the arguments the film presents.

The first ten minutes.



Assertion

At 4:28 we see a quote by the ancient Mayan prophet Pacal Votan which reads: “If humanity wishes to save itself from biospheric destruction, it must return to living in a natural time.”

The Facts

Actually Pacal Votan never existed. Rather than a fact or rooted historical myth he is actually the invention of a single individual named Jose Arguelles. You can look Arguelles up on Wikipedia if you're curious, but, to state it plainly, his “theories” involving the ancient Mayans are not supported by archeologists, Mayanist scholars, any one with a formal education, as well as ducks and most water fowl.

Now let's try an experiment. Picture yourself as an ancient Mayan. We're talking about a person that existed roughly between 2000 B.C. and 250 A.D. Now picture yourself using even a loose approximation to the term “biospheric destruction.” Sound reasonable? If yes then congratulate yourself with a swift punch to the mouth.


Assertion

Adam Weishaupt dabbled in Satanism, and founded the Illuminati. He also wished to destroy all religion.

The Facts

Weishaupt did indeed found the Illuminati, but the origins of the secret society are far less sinister than one might think. Weishaupts's original intent was to organize political and economic powers to serve the common good. Think of it as something of a masonic charity.

As to allegations of Satanism, Weishaupt actually may have been something of a Deist. Thomas Jefferson quoted him as saying “... no one ever laid a surer foundation for liberty than our grand master, Jesus of Nazareth.” Not exactly what I would call a “Satanist.”

It is true that Weishaupt was against organized religion (i.e. religious organizations acting as or in the place of government), but he was technically Catholic having converted from Judaism. Plus there's the above quote.


Assertion

Anselm Rothschild commissioned Weishaupt to create the Covenant of the Golden Dawn. Rothschild also started the American Revolution.

The Facts

There is no evidence linking either Rothschild or Weishaupt to the Covenant of the Golden Dawn (actually named The Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn by the way). The creation of this secret society is attributed to William Robert Woodman, William Wynn Westcott, and Samuel Liddell MacGregor.

Now lets try another experiment. Research the claim that Rothschild was responsible for the Revolutionary War, and attempt to find one source that doesn't entail a dose of reptilians, antisemitism, magic, and possibly ghosts. When you fail to do so punch yourself in the mouth.


Assertion

Sir John Dee was the head of the British secret service agency MI5.

The Facts

Let's do the math. MI5 came into being around 1909. John Dee died in 1608. So the man became the head of MI5 more than 200 hundred years after his death? Pretty prolific. Oh, as a sort of nit picky point I couldn't find any real evidence that John Dee was ever knighted. Just sayin'.


Assertion

Weddings and the wedding ring, circumcision, funerals, baptism, and the Christian cross are all pagan in origin.

The Facts

The problem with this kind of blanket statement is that it implies that paganism is some uniform religion with a set ideology. In fact paganism could be described as any non-Abrahamic religious tradition. This encompasses thousands of different systems of belief spanning over all of human history. The origin of the cross as a Christian religious symbol, however, has nothing to do with pagan practices though the cross itself has been used as a religious symbol by various cultures predating Christianity. Does that statement sound like I'm coping out? Then do your down damn research, and you'll understand what I'm talking about.


Assertion

The Holy Grail filled with wine is actually a representation of the blood flowing from the birth canal during menstruation, and not the blood of Christ.

The Facts

What? The only reference to this I could find is loosely linked to the best selling thriller “The Da Vinci Code.” If I need to elaborate on that then punch yourself in the mouth.


Assertion

The etymology for the word “Israel” is rooted in the Egyptian belief in Isis, Ra, El.

The Facts

To begin with, the word “El” is a generic term for “God.” It is not Egyptian in origin, nor does it specifically refer to the god of Saturn as the video insists. If you're interested in the actual entomology of the word then just click here. By here I mean click the actual word “here,” but not right here. The first time I used “here.” Got it?


Assertion

Ninety percent of Judaism is based around the worship of Saturn.

The Facts

No. The only “evidence” of this that the “documentary” supplies is that the Hebrew day of rest is Saturday. So despite all archeological , historical, written, or verbal evidence to the contrary, Saturday is named after the planet Saturn so Judaism is rooted in the worship of Saturn.


Assertion

The Civil War was manufactured by Anselm Rothschild.

The Facts

Take the above challenge concerning Rothschild, and apply it to this. Rinse, repeat, punch yourself in the mouth.


Assertion

The IRS is not a U.S. government agency, and is in fact controlled by the IMF. Don't believe it? Look at IRS publication 6209.

The Facts

Good God almighty is this a load of crap. The IRS is a bureau of the Department of Treasury. Which, in case you didn't know, is an executive department of the United States Government. Publication 6209 consists of nothing more than various filling codes. The IMF is mentioned, but only in the form of further filling codes for IMF loans. Don't believe me? Click here to download the damn thing.


Assertion

NASA, the CIA, and the FBI were never government agencies. The government simply owns controlling shares in them.

The Facts

False, false, and false again. The CIA was founded in 1947 under the National Security Act. NASA was established in 1958 and is an Executive Branch agency. The FBI (the F standing for Federal for God's sake) is under the department of Justice which also serves as an executive department of the United States government.


Assertion

Social Security numbers are issued by the U.N. through the IMF.

The Facts

Out side of blatant stupidity the confusion over this one may be because the Social Security Administration (you know, the people who hand out social security numbers) is termed as an “independent” government agency. All this means is that the SSA is not a part of the federal executive departments (i.e. not run by any of the executive branches). Say, maybe the DMV is controlled by the U.N. too!


Assertion

From April 1861 to May 1864 Ulysses S. Grant rose from the rank of Private to being the head of the Union army thanks to Illuminati contacts.

The Facts

It is true that Grant rose to power in such a short span of time, but that's not even half the story. After graduating from West Point Grant fought in the Mexican-American war where he was twice promoted for acts of bravery. During peace time Grant was honorably discharged for being drunk on duty, but was later asked to recruit and train volunteers as the Civil War began. From 1891 to 1864 we would lead volunteer forces to major strategic victories in the Battle Belmont, as well as the capture of Forte Donelson and Forte Henry. So it isn't as if this guy was sitting on his hands for three years.

Now let me ask you a question? Does this seem like an awful lot of factual errors for one documentary? Then consider that everything I've said here doesn't even encompasses the first 15 minutes. With so many absurd errors in such a short span of time I can only conclude that the film's maker is either so self obsessed that obvious facts don't matter or else their willfully attempting to mislead. Not to mention I haven't addressed the completely unprovable statements about 2012, astrology, and other magical crap. Of course if you believe that all of history is one grand conspiracy than no amount of facts or reality can change that level of ignorance. All I can do at this point is to say exactly what the kinds of people who follow these things would say; “Think for yourself people!”

Kung Fool

I realize that as the arbiter of this site that I should probably explain why this is a total load of crap, but let's just say that if I have to then it's your problem and not mine.

Jessica Miller Yodels A Shoulder

You could look up Reiki by clicking the word "Reiki" which I helpfully typed back there, but do you really care that much? Just skip ahead two minutes. She yodels into his shoulder. I mean what the crap, right?

Hopi Ear Candling Massage

So jamming a lit candle into your ear can not only cure the common cold, but Bell's palsy too? Oh, wait. There's also the fact that medical researchers consider candling to be not only ineffective, but dangerous as well. Hold on, what's that? You say that the Hopi tribe council has officially declared that it is not and has never been a practice of the Hopi people? You don't say.

Dr. William Deagle

"The tiger that you don't believe in is the tiger that can eat you"

According to the Clay and Iron Ministries website Dr. William Deagle is:

"Dr. Bill Deagle MD is a Prolife physician. He has been a board certified Family Medicine Specialist, board eligible Occupational and Environmental Medicine, Internal Medicine, Medico-legal, Anti-Aging Medicine, and Environmental Toxicologist. Currently he is a media liason activist and teacher for the American Academy of AntiAging Medicine and the American Academy of Environmental Medicine."

According to Dr. William Deagle:

He has worked for nearly every branch of the U.S. Government. He has friends in the NSA, all branches of the military, and the white house. As a graduate student he was asked to participate in the creation of the aids virus. Facilitated in the construction of an underground cube housing hyper advanced computer technology that the government may use to enslave or kill us. He was personally told about the 9/11 attacks before hand by a secret group of army officials while eating lunch. Healed the first Columbine shooting victim through prayer. Was resurrected from the dead. He cannot be killed. He was foretold in an ancient prophecy given to his decedents around the beginning of the first century. He personally transferred the alien bodies at the Roswell crash site. Built a quantum shield gun for the Canadian government. May or may not have found the cure for all diseases, and spoke to Jesus Christ face to face.

Dr. William Deagle also believes:

The Magna Carta was written by half human snake creatures from another galaxy. Avian flu was created from the DNA of deceased Alaskan coal miners. There was a nuclear war in India 12,900 years ago. That angles are actually different races of highly evolved space creatures. That Jesuit Reptilians created cell phones and lap tops in order to unravel our DNA. That the earth will be destroyed within one year (it was 2006 when he said that by the way). That a frequency resonance bomb exists that can be programed to kill only white people. That all modern technology is reversed engineered from races of malevolent space beings that rich people contact using star gates. That all politicians and world leaders are controlled by inter dimensional parasites demons.

In short Dr. William Deagle is the most important figure in all of human history.

Meet Dr. William Deagle


The British Are Masters Of Microwave Death


At 5:33 he tells us that we invaded Iraq in order to set up an attack on Iran so we could steal their star gate, and some one claps as if that was completely obvious.


For further research visit the Clay and Iron Ministries website here. There are slide show presentations for download as well as recordings of his radio program.

The Desteni Cult Challenge (Energetic Substance Relationship Entities of Consciousness)

This will probably be the last thing I ever post concerning the Desteni cult. So in the spirit of competition I'm offering a challenge. If you can watch this video and make sense of what's being said in a personal or even abstract way I will personally fly to your home, and punch you in the stomach.

Man Rolfs Dog

Wikipedia defines Rolfing as:

"A holistic system of soft tissue manipulation and movement education that organized the whole body in gravity"

Basically gravity, over time, has a negative effect on certain parts of the human body. So palpating certain connective tissues will negate gravity. But can you Rolf a dog?

Man Summons Chi Ghosts In Order To Find A Temple And Fails

Astarius Miraculli

Astarius Miraculli is a poet, astrologer, musician, and holistic practitioner who charges up to 200 dollars for a healing session. These sessions are a combination of Reiki (the Eastern art of paying some one not to touch you), and being yodeled at through a didgeridoo. Astrarius also does psychic and astrological readings, and may or may not own a tiger which he yodels at through his didgeridoo.

According to Astarius

“The Earth is shifting to a higher vibration and frequency. Everyone and Everything is vibrating faster and with more Light. All is expanding. Thoughts and behavior which limit and bind us to fear are being infused with Light and Love. This is the new Millennium. We are Creators of the Golden Age of Love, Peace and Harmony. The responsibility to be true to yourself and the highest intentions for your life is greater than ever. The Spiritual Maturity rate will skyrocket and the forces of life will bring some to their heights and others to their depths. What will you choose in the wake of these awesome forces? I am honored to support you in your process.”

Mouth yodeling to quicken the ascension current

Didgeridoo yodeling at animals


Why is he dressed like a wizard?


You can find his website here.

His You Tube Channel.

Yan Ayrton

Who is Yan Ayerton? According to his channel:



“I am creating my music too to stand, touch and inspire all humanity.

Its a sublime mission.
Its my inner fire.

Listen my compositions.
Your eternal soul will thank you “

From what little can be gathered from his videos, snippets found on various web sites, and statements gathered on his You Tube channel, he is from Brazil where he may or may not have studied classical composition.

His philosophy appears to be some aberrant mixture of Christianity, Eastern Philosophy, and New Age. The videos themselves feature a random mixture of film clips and music, as well as 2012 and environmental messages while either beginning with, or tail ended by, him playing piano and random photos of himself posing in different locations while holding up magazines. Before playing he often rearranges what appear to be rocks on his keyboard, and then holds a magazine above the keys or vise verse. Most of the videos also feature inspirational words and lyrics that scroll up or down the screen.

Whether or not Ayerton can repeat any of his ninety or so "compositions" remains a mystery. His movements appear to be deliberate inasmuch he may be well trained, but I do not play piano so I will reserve judgment. Regardless of whether you think Ayerton is insane or a genius he is still remains fascinating.

Joe Noonan And Co. Bless A Water Bottle.

The theory works something like this: Water is pretty important to our existence. Love is good and good feelings are neat. So water + love = magic healing water.

The Desteni Cult

Desteni is a cult that operates out of a farm in South Africa. There isn't a whole lot of outside information about them, but if you're interested you can read their vague mission statement via their homepage. There are one or two videos on You Tube by former cult members, but their refutations make about as much sense as anything Desteni claims. They also offer online courses in Structural Resonance Alignment Training (?) for a hefty monthly sum.

Desteni herself claims to have the ability to channel, not only dead celebrities, but non-physical, inter-dimensional space creatures. Her You Tube channel features videos where she summons Hitler, Nostradamus, the Sumerian sky god Anu, a reptilian that sounds suspiciously like an inarticulate Katharine Hepburn, and the actual Katharine Hepburn who, strangely enough, sounds like a crazy South African girl.

She also says stuff like:

“... creating an expression of, in and as me, within designing the manifestation of live symbols.”


Why Jesus and God don't exist according to a channeled reptilian.


Possessed by 17 dead hookers and the serial killer Aileen Verhoeven.


How animals can see into other dimensions according to a spirit named "Sarah" that resides in the body of a Labrador. (I kid you not)



The website is here.

You can find the Desteni You Tube channel here.

Japanese Woman Waves Tuning Forks Over Bowl of Fruit

I've seen enough of these types of videos to have a vague notion of what's going on, but let's see what you think. Basically they eat fruit up till around 1:46, and then she whips out the tuning forks and waves them over the bowl. It's long, but stick with it because the tuning forks only get bigger. Apparently more fork equals better fruit. I wonder if I could use this method to upgrade my DVD player to Blue Ray.



and then there's this...

FEMA Concentration Camps

Recently I got a phone call from a friend asking me about supposed FEMA concentration camps. A friend of his had told him that on an early morning program Fox News commentator Glen Beck seemed to suggest that the possibility of government run concentration camps may be a reality, but then completely changed his story later that night on his own program. I hadn't heard about any of this so I promised to do a little research.

You can watch the video here.

In fact Beck admits that his initial impression was based mostly off of internet research, but decided to hold the story until he had spoken to some experts. Of course that simple explanation won't be satisfying any of the crazies. Beck says something at 4:28 that seems prophetic if you scroll down and read a few of the comments.

So what are FEMA concentration camps? According to the crazies they are just that. Apparently our government is planning on declaring martial law some time in the near future, and they need a place to intern and possibly gas would be dissenters. As far as I can tell this myth has been most widely perpetuated by this video.



The video might seem concerning if you're not paying a lot of attention (which you probably shouldn't be), but it raises one or two practical questions that says something about the state of mind of, not only the people making this film, but some of the people watching it. At 4:47 one of those “black helicopters” flies over head begging the question of why the "forces that be” would mobilize a helicopter to watch some one standing in the building's parking lot? Wouldn't it be more effective to just do it from a window?

Here's a couple of facts:

1) There are no FEMA concentration camps.

2) The facility in this video is actually an Amtrack rail car repair facility. The place fixes about 700 passenger cars a year, and employs more than 500 people. There's also the fact that this video is 15 years old. The turnstiles don't exist any more, and neither do half of those warehouses amongst other things.

If you want to do further research there's an article that addresses all of this on Popular Mechanics website. Just click here.

For my own amusement I posted a comment stating the above facts in a calm, and non confrontational manner. Not even an hour later I got this from a user named “tmac1238GX:”

"Oh thanks for stopping us in time before we defeated the already defeated dictator and caught those WMDs in mid-flight!

Why didn't you look at King Abdullah II, or Jordan in the area of Iraq yawn while Saddam was howling in his no-fly-zones?

Why didn't you look at the "conspiracy theorists" yawn? They confessed, "AMERICA IS BROKEN!" Aren't you proud you protect them with common sense?"